Every day is a school day

‘Every day is a school day’ according to a saying by someone, some time.

Although this education adage is unattributed, it is true.

In the past few days, thanks to the wise general public, much wiser than me, there has been a treasure trove of facts online that I genuinely was oblivious to, many gleaned from my local paper. I thought I would share them and would positively glisten with glee if you could add to the list.

This is a stream of wondrous insights in a continuous flow and I hope to keep abreast of more revelations, but here we go on what I have learned so far:

1. Shelves in supermarkets are empty because illegal immigrants are buying up all the food with the money they are given on stepping out of their dinghies. This apparently includes my favourite chicken and vegetable instant soup in Leven’s Lidl. There is also a shortage of timber and other building materials that I presume is also down to tool-carrying, Taliban-fleeing tradesmen.

2. The streets of Fife are filled with begging war veterans who have been denied accommodation because all housing goes to refugees. You will find our heroes on every single street. The whereabouts of their wives and children are of no concern, it would seem.

3. Covid does not exist. The government, scientists and NHS are all part of a conspiracy. The reason for this remains a mystery but seems to involve millionaire communists and possibly reptiles.

4. Fife Council is looking for residents with spare rooms and these will be given to those Afghans fleeing the Taliban. You need to be aware that some of these incoming people will be terrorists. My advice would be to ask them nicely to keep any guns, grenades and Semtex in the shed, if you have one, the back of the glory hole or under the sink. Basically, anywhere the kids can’t get to them.

5. Only ‘snowflakes’ (I believe I may fall into this climatic category) and lefties (I believe I may fall into this directional category) are stopping proud Britain from puncturing the continuous stream of dinghies in the Channel with bullets. While it may seem harsh, it is ‘tough love’. The drowning of men, women and children would send a clear message to cowardly refugees and the French, who are, without exception, lazy and greedy. We need to put ‘ourselves’ first for once and stop being soft.

6. Home Secretary Priti Patel is right. This I actually knew, though I prefer the term ‘extreme right’. I applaud the confirmation.

7. People who died from Covid, didn’t. They were due to die anyway and Covid is being used as the cause of death as part of the conspiracy. Again it is not clear why this is happening, but it is in every single country in the world. Again this appears to involve very wealthy communists and people who disguise their true reptilian form. It also appears to involve my family members and friends in America, Poland and here in Scotland. Why they have lied and wept at their losses is down to the skilled training they have been given to deceive me.

8. All adult refugees, without exception, are murderers and rapists. They “breed like rabbits” and their children will also grow up intent on committing heinous capital crimes. This possibly applies to all immigrants as well, but definitely those from the continent of Asia. The UK would have no crime if we had no foreigners living here. I blame my late 'Johnny Foreigner' father for my speeding ticket six years ago and the thruppeny library fine I incurred in 1964 and beseech forgiveness.

9. The UK is full to capacity. From Shetland to Land’s End locals are being forced out their homes so corrupt councils can give their houses to immigrants. Despite every single one being lazy, they are then given jobs with the local authorities for more money and less hours while those that held these jobs are forced on to the streets to beg. Not being heroes, their begging will generate less income than the veterans who are already there. Evidence of this accommodation policy would seem to me to be witnessed in Elie where many properties are empty except at weekends. The lack of passers-by would account for the apparent absence of veteran war heroes begging alongside recently unemployed council workers.

10. All borders with France should be closed immediately. No person or products should be allowed into the UK until the French give us back all the money we gave them and they make a serious effort to puncture all dinghies and Lilos.

11. Illegal immigrants are given a war veteran’s house, a lump sum of £27,000, new furniture, a computer, television, smartphone, new clothes, more benefits than British claimants, and are not required to ever work. I believe all you need to do is land somewhere in Britain without any documentation and present yourself at the nearest Post Office to receive the lump sum and then regular benefits. I have found no abandoned dinghies between the East Neuk and Leven but can only assume they were deflated and hidden in dunes before the trip to the Post Office and the journey to Lidl to buy chicken and vegetable instant soup.

12. Every person receiving benefits in the UK, unless he or she is ill, is simply work-shy. These scroungers mean people who do work have to pay more taxes. Those who hold down jobs and still require benefits just can’t be bothered to look for work that pays more.

13. The UK pension is so low because of scroungers, immigrants, refugees and foreigners, who all receive benefits. Other than sick pay, if you can prove you really are sick, there should be no benefits at all. People who work hard all their lives and earn good money don’t receive benefits so why should those who have no work get benefits? That simply is not fair. If no benefits were paid to scroungers and foreigners, those who were hard working and on a good pay would be able to get benefits as well because they would have earned them. Only give benefits to those earning and working hard, not the unemployed who are all lazy, or foreign.

14. After Brexit, most of the EU workers didn’t go home, but were given houses and benefits and told they didn’t need to work. The houses all those EU workers were given previously accommodated heroic war veterans, who were forced out on to the streets to beg, beside their former comrades who had been evicted to make space for illegal immigrants.

15. Every refugee and immigrant is exempt from Covid restrictions. They spread Covid, or would if it existed.

16. Boris Johnson might have his faults but it is better to keep voting for him than somebody called Jeremy Colvin. If this Colvin person had been Prime Minister millions would have died from Covid, if it existed, not 170,000 who didn’t because they were due to die anyway.

17. Scotland should “F**k off” and shouldn’t be allowed to vote for independence. Boris Johnson is right in blocking another referendum and should tell Scotland if it doesn’t want to be part of the union then it should just “F**k off” because it’s not getting independence and the union doesn’t need it anyway, so the Scots can do what they want because England doesn’t need or want them; same goes for the Welsh. They can do what they want but not be independent. To be honest this argument made me feel really inadequate. I had a quick peruse of conceptualism, constructivism, dialetheism, fictionalism, finitism, formalism, intuitionism, logical atomism, logicism, nominalism, realism, Platonic realism, and structuralism, and still don’t quite get this weighty philosophical “F**k off but you’re not going anywhere” concept, but I thought it was worth sharing.

18. Every single person who doesn't like Brexit should be forced to leave Britain. Given the closeness of the vote that could mean an exodus of some 30,000,000 folk. I suppose that would teach the French a lesson for encouraging all those foreigners to paddle into the British Isles. It would also mean, at a rough guess, some 7,000,000 empty homes, which would go some way to accommodating the heroic war veterans who are begging on every street. Mind you, some of them may not have supported Brexit, so would they be deported and made homeless in France. Would it be right to deport heroic war veterans? I need more information on this one.

19. All new housing in Fife is earmarked for refugees. Fact. Didn't know that. I asked locally if that was true for the new East Neuk development Windmill Gardens and was told it was nonsense but it seems the construction company and folk buying houses are part of a conspiracy to keep it secret.

20. The lives of pets, especially dogs, are more important than Afghan children. That surprised me, as did the confirmed fact that donkey sanctuaries in the UK receive more public donations than women's refuges, that's 'refuges' not 'refugees' ...

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