I like the winter time best

July 7, 2019

I like the winter time best, when nothing moves at all

And I can’t hear any voices coming through the wall.

Sometimes there’s laughter, sometimes there’s a row.

She might call him a wanker, he might call her a cow.

They might get lovey-dovey over a bottle of wine

But I’m pissed off they’re parked in a space that’s usually mine.

I like the winter time best when the trees are standing bare

And I don’t hear those footsteps running up the wooden stairs.

There’s no clattering or banging or shitty music playing

I’ve my hands over my ears, my nerves are fraying

I can’t even go outside when I get too tense

Because I hate the smell of fag reek drifting over the fence.

Sometimes there’s a baby, and all it does is cry

Or a miserable dog, barking at every passer-by.

Sour-faced teenagers who can’t get a signal on their phone

Stuck with their parents when they’d rather be at home.

Or grandparents, tidying up and making sure everyone’s fed,

Sleeping in a back room and needing their own bed.

Sometimes it gets exotic with an overseas guest

Who wants to know whose fish and chips are best.

They’re more likely to stop and have a blether

About how Scotland is great, but they hate the weather.

They liked St Andrews, but it was very dear…

And they hadn’t seen a puffin, but they were told they were here.

I like the winter time best, when that barbecue rests in peace

And my clothes come in off the rope without smelling of grease.

When I’m assuring the takeaway driver once more

“The mixed pakora, korma and the vindaloo will be for them next door”.

Then there’s the day trip to Edinburgh, 6am and they’re gone.

Engine roaring and the bloody dog howling at the dawn.

Some put their bins out, others couldn’t care less

Let the rubbish pile up and leave an unholy mess.

So the next arrivals, cautiously ask if I’d be happy

To accommodate some poop bags and the odd nappy.

I answer in broken English, say there’s nothing I can do

“My bin she is full, yes, I am holidaymaker too.”