Lessons from losing

June 3, 2018

The past nine months have seen ‘bullying’ play an enormous part in my life. I have been closely involved in three distinctly separate cases, in three totally different professional fields, and I was on the ‘wrong side’ of them all when it came to verdicts for the parties I have been assisting.

Ethically and morally, I don’t have a single reservation that I was on the ‘right side’ but that was the side that took the whipping - two knockouts and an uneasy truce in another bloody battle that I have no doubt will ultimately be lost.

The latest pounding came a few days ago and I spent hours in a sweltering room as the ‘in camera’ deliberations dragged on... and on. I was there as a “supporter” and, as such, was not allowed to speak or ask questions. While that was frustrating for a former journalist, it also meant a rage boiled up in me and the residue that was left has continued to ferment since.

This piece is the calmer result which, I hope, might help anyone who finds themselves accused, intimidated and ultimately humiliated.

In all three cases I witnessed, mental health finally became an issue with the people involved. The situation and the process hurt them, and continues to do so, even after that final 'official' ruling. There is great emphasis now on understanding mental health issues; it is to be hoped that understanding challenges situations that might be more common than most of us imagine.

It doesn’t take much research to establish the workplace, in so many instances, can be a damaging environment; damage recognition and limitation is the jurisdiction and responsibility of the manager. The slightest neglect of that responsibility is such a serious offence that, in my opinion, the post-holder should be re-assessed, re-trained and have their people-management skills closely monitored.

The problem, however, starts with the very word ‘bullying’. No boss likes to stand accused of bullying and is unlikely to be open to admitting he or she has created and/or sustained an environment where staff feel they are bullied.

What about ‘harrassed’ though? That’s a bit gentler. But the fact is the two are virtually interchangeable. There are preconceived ideas about a ‘bully’, probably emanating from the playground scenario of being forced through physical intimidation to hand over your sweets. But that’s not what ‘bullying’ or ‘harrassment’ means in the workplace. Check out Acas, tribunal sites, employment law advice, and you will see a list that will probably be oh too familiar. There’s being excluded, undermined, overloaded, isolated, unfairly criticised etc.

And that doesn’t need to come from above, it can come from below – after all I’ve heard in these three cases the boss who creates that atmosphere, or who fails to deal with it when it is exposed, is equally culpable.

I was always taught the three fairest demands from an employee were: “(a) Tell me what to do; (b) give me the tools to do it; (c) tell me how I’m doing.” That seems fairly straightforward but how often does it actually happen?

And the justification is: (a) the job changes, you need to be flexible, we all have to get through this, it’s temporary, this just needs doing; (b) things are tight, I have faith in you, you can call me if you really need to talk about it, we’ll see if we can get help but I’m not optimistic, you’ll need to manage for now; (c) that’s not really what I’m looking for, it needs work; you have an annual performance review; great, thanks a lot, that’s brilliant, now I’m wondering if you could also do this..?

Sitting, staring out a window, with a ream of documents and letters swirling through my head, I wondered when the concept of  ‘Divine right'  was transferred from thrones to boardrooms.

Under the ‘Divine right of managers’, employees should be grateful (for a job) and infallible in meeting any new demands, priorities or targets placed upon them. Any major failing is not through the expediency imposed by, or the myopic decisions of, the boss. In two out of the three cases I’ve been involved with, the people said they felt they couldn’t complain or refuse the extra demands placed upon them because it would “go against me”, and “I needed the job”.

So, beaten, broken and bitter, what is the outcome?

The first one I see is the personal damage done to health, physical and mental. The second is the realisation that you are expendable. The world didn’t stop when you finally said “enough” or were signed off by your GP. And you really won’t be in a good place when it comes to entering the hearing/tribunal ring to state your case, and where character assassination is now your probable fate.

So having gone through a hat-trick of defeats; if a fourth friend asked for my advice, what would I say?

First off, your boss can never really be your friend in the true sense. It might work on the surface but be aware you are a commodity and if push comes to shove that ‘friend’ will end up an opponent. With the corporate machine behind him or her, that opponent will be formidable and faultless. Any shortcomings will be flaws in you, the subordinate. These will have been unaddressed and previously unimportant flaws, but ones that have now shot to the surface, having been found somewhere in some section of some report filed somewhere, some time by someone else. One hundred positives ignored for the one negative you have to recall, admit and provide some mitigation for. The encounter may even  in places be cloaked in patronising platitudes, but his or her ideal outcome is for you to lose.

You need to log your issues, every single one, you need to raise them with your line manager and record the responses. You need to have the courage to say “No”. You need to look at your past record, analyse it, tackle any issues emerging. Every day you are standing in a minefield, with one behind you that you may have to return to, and one ahead you might enter. Get them cleared.

And most important of all you need support, the best support you can get. Don’t turn to your kind, helpful and understanding human resources department. Remember that sympathetic voice at the end of the phone is also capable of advising the very person you have a genuine grievance against on how best to get rid of you. No, you need strong, ruthless and razor sharp legal advice.

I reckon the most recent case I  attended would have cost the person I was supporting around £15,000 in legal fees, with no guarantee, of course, that would even ensure mitigating factors being taken into account never mind a  different overall outcome. With no salary, that couldn’t be considered, and it was too late for official, external support.

You need to join a union, now, or a professional body that represents you. The fees are worth it because without that expertise you will be alone, vulnerable and an easy target. In all three cases, those workmates who were also ‘friends’, the ones who promised support and to stand by your side and speak out, were conspicuous by their silence. In private conversation they are sympathetic but, then again, they “need the job”. What an indictment of their management.

Justice is an expensive game and if you don’t buy in to it, you will lose and you will be squashed. It is ugly and humiliating as it is inevitable.

I know it is stating the obvious but people are complex creatures. Managing an automated flow of widgets avoids (many of) the daily personnel issues that come with any ‘people business’.

But, to paraphrase Karl Marx, our lives depend on finding work and you will only find work where your labour increases capital. That is a fact. Everyone is exposed to the unpredictability of the market, and I write from the ranks of the redundant.

But if you work to live, as opposed to living to work, you need to defend the dignity of giving part of your life, your diligence, skill, effort and honesty to that. And if you are a manager you need to respect that dignity, and your own. There is a contract, it is meant to be based on honour,  and it is meant to be honoured.

These past months have shown me it won’t be, if you are not armoured.